|Hope your month came to a colorful ending.|
|Happy Halloween from me and Frida.|
|Its always easier to write about what we felt bad about after we have come out of it and are standing on the other side. I thought I would share the thoughts that I was telling myself that where making me feel almost embarrassed. I have been feeling sorry for myself. I try to do my best when it comes to being a parent and having a well put together house so I can go run guilt free so when I get to the starting line I always feel free and ready to do my best. This last year It dawned on me that my best was coming in near the back of the pack. I love running these distances and I have a wonderful time doing it. If I had a choice of going shopping or a fancy dinner and dancing or running a race or going for a long run I would choose running.|
Here is the story I was taking part in a race and someone asked me how long is it going to take me to finish. "What's your estimated time ?" I said "we have 11 hours so I should do it in 9 hours ". Then just like that they said," oh so you will come in the back ," Its crazy that just like that these words a total stranger told me busted my balloon. It has been about 2 months and I just could not get them out of my head. I was thinking I am lining up with all these amazing runners and should I be there. I need to get better and faster. This is me being totally honest I don't know if I can any faster. I am giving 100 percent so where does this leave me. It's made me do some soul searching. The am I good enough situation.
This is what I came up with.
1. Am I really doing my best ? I would say YES
2. Is this one of my great passions ? YEAH
3. Am I trying to prove anything ? No
4. Has this sport added to my life and my self growth ? Yes
5. Has this made me a better person ? Yes
6. Do I really care what I place I come in ? No
OK so with that said and I decided that everyone is entitled to there own opinion. I feel like my journey has lead me to meet great people and that I needed to do some growing up. Its difficult not to let what other people say effect how we feel about ourselves but its important to try and understand why this persons opinion hurt me. That's because I did feel bad about coming in the back. I decided to let that negative thinking go in the trash can. I am gong to choose before every run and every race to feel good and proud about my race. I am alive and healthy enough to run that is what I need to focus on.
Oh those f--ing gremlins can go suck and egg..
I hope you have a great weekend and here is to having a great life.
|This month is almost gone and I have to say I am kinda happy. Let's just say I have had happier months. I have been focusing way to much on the crap and not enough on the sunshine. I had a wonderful day today. I chased the train while my son cheered me on. We went to look at the big fishing boats.|
|We had a great lunch with my dad and my heart is just back to feeling grateful. How could I not be. I love or should I say adore looking at pictures like this one. My little man fallowing my dad . This was probably the one second I was not holding his hand . Today felt good and I am choosing to make tomorrow just as good or better. What did you do today ?|
|This past weekend I went on a little road trip with one of my favorite girlfriends . My friend and I drove to Los Angeles to run the Rock and Roll half marathon. She asked me to run with her just a couple days ago and I said yes before she was done asking. We left a little late and traffic was crazy so 3 hours later we got to the Sport Expo to pick up our bibs with about 15 minutes to spare. We barely made it. The expo was shutting down so we didn't get to really look around and that made us sad. I love the Expos. I managed to buy a pair of Altras at a great price with only 15 minutes to spare. I still bought something. That's a gift. I also bought a little shirt for Jack. Then we went to have dinner at this Italian restaurant that was crazy good. My girl friend is the queen of picking out super deliciuos places to eat. Bottega Louie Restaurant and Gourmet Bakery. If you are ever in L.A. this place is a must. They don't take reservations either. We only had to wait for about 20 minutes. They also had valet parking and its as totally affordable. Then we headed of to the hotel and got ready for race day.|
|Sunday mornings sunrise was just beautiful. The sky looks like a painting . The weather was also perfect. Charlene and I started corral 12. We only stayed together for the start then we each did our own thing. I was curious to see how I would do running on pavement and not the mountains. This felt way easier. I was never out of breath and I never struggled. ( I struggle on trails) This welt like a nice easy run. The last Rock and Roll marathon I ran was in 2011. It was cool to hear all the bands and see all the people in Halloween costumes.|
|I went running this morning in the mountains with some of my favorite people. We had a great run but yes it was hard. This year I have run the most amount of miles I have ever ran in a year. After talking with my buddies I think I understand that I need to embrace the fact that I need to chill a little. Recover from this past years races. I only have two more races this year. One is a half so that will be fun and hopefully I can stay around 2 hours. The other is a marathon in the mountains. Both in the next 4 weeks so that means I will be seriously resting for November and December. I am not really sure what that will mean for me but I am hoping to stay at 30 miles a week and try not to do more. I hope your long run today was a good one too.|
|We set out for the day. Just little man and me. Two back packs and one destination.|
|Yes, you guessed it the Pumpkin Patch. I decided that we should go in the early in the day. When it's just us because that way we could take our sweet time. We could explore all the pumpkin field and and not have to wait in any lines. We did just that. We took our rime walking through 3 fields and I just let him explore. It feels so good to not be in a hurry and to just let go of any expectations . My older kids were in school so it was just us.|
|Having the privilege of being his mama is great. I love the way everything is new and how he knew what these big orate things are called. Numkin Mama Numkin. He kept trying to pick them up but they were to big for him.|
|I walked him over to the tractor rides but he decided they were to loud, so intend he played with this magical stick that also became a vacuum at any given time. There was so many bug and he didn't mind. On the contrary he said Hi bug. How are you ? His cuteness fills every inch of me with love.|
|This is the best thing about being able to stay home with him. Moments of pure bliss. I know this is what matters now for me. Every passion that lives inside of me helps me grow and love into bigger a bigger me. A fuller more rounded me. I have so much to learn about everything but going to the Numkin patch with this little guy and just being all I needed.|
|Every person we meet and let into our lives I believe is here to teach us something if we let them. This little guy makes me want to love better and hug more. Numkin mama . Best words ever.|
|It is almost a week since race day. I have been feeling that great calmness that comes with crossing the finish line 17:49 after you start . I am to tired to worry about stuff so I don't. I was having lunch today by myself ( I love eating out alone) and thinking about why I love this sport so much. I came to the conclusion that somehow and I don't know how but this helps me heal. I don't necessarily feel like I hurt but the hurt is there and me going out on the trails and running for a long ass time somehow breaks me down enough to know I made it. I survived my biggest heartache the one that has been with me since I was 6. The one that is not meant to be fixed because it has made me who I am. The one that I can't seem to let go of so I have chosen to let it be inside of me. I run because it heals all of me. It lets me know I am fine and I am way more than ok.|
It leads me to a joy I had never felt before. Its not the race but it is being outside and running and walking all day. I am falling in love deeply with the mountains that surround me on theses runs. Every time I have the opportunity to be surrounded by them It just feels so good. I know I am a slow runner but sometimes I feel so lucky that I am still out there. Its not over yet for me and I love that.
|Happiness comes in so many different things for all of us. I feel so grateful that I found something I love so much. More grateful that San Diego has so many awesome races and ultra running community. This lady named Jenny held my hand last week looked in my eyes and very gently told me I know your tired but you have a race to finish. You can do this. I believe in you. Stuff like that stays with me .. I freaking love this sport. Happy Friday|
|This is one of those races that you hear a lot about. It has a reputation of being hard so, to say I was nervous, well I WAS. I left my house at 4:15 am as to avoid any stress of getting there late. My dad drove me there and this way I didn't have to worry about parking either. From the time we found the parking lot and drove in I could tell this was a really well organized race. The parking was well marked and there seem to be plenty of room for everyone. The Cuyamaca Camp ground is beautiful anytime of day but getting to watch the sunrise in the mountains is always special to me. I walked into the campground and found the pre-race checking table got checked in was handed my number. 187 and I also got a rad shirt some gloves that came in handy that night and I dropped of my gear bag. Then we took some before I get my butt kicked pictures.|
|Here I am. The thought that kept creeping in my head is do I have what it takes to finish this race? I really didn't care about the time but I knew I had 19 hours. I saw so many familiar faces at the start and that is always so nice. These are people that will help you out and honestly give you whatever they could to help you if you needed it. Before you know it it was time to go. I settled in the middle with Robert and Nartaya. Then off we went.|
|This race is made up of three loops . The first loop was 35 miles long. Let's remember you are fresh and super excited . The first 35 miles felt long but not really hard. I am also not a fast runner so I was happy. Hanging out with my friends.|
|Lets talk about the second loop. It was 12 miles long. It was hard. I suck at running down hill because I am scared to fall and I honestly need to practice down hill a lot more. It was hard terrain and it even though I feel we got really lucky with the weather it was warm and its all exposed. It was challenging. My thoughts at this time where DON'T be afraid of hard work G.|
|I was eating my GU every hour and I was drinking water and water ever they had. I think it was Heed and Trailwind. I ate bananas and watermelon at the aid stations. I really need to remember to eat something besides fruit. I did not want to complain but, man, I was getting tired. Every loop we completed we were handed a different color bracelet and I can't tell yo how many time I looked at my bracelet to remind me where I was and what color flags to look for. Thank you to whoever thought of the color bracelets they made me feel more secure and reminded we where the heck I was many times. This picture was taken at the race by Paksit Photos . If you run a big race you have to buy a couple pictures.|
|Narataya and I stopped at this point and just looked around. It was so beautiful. I thought about my sister home in her wheel chair and my heart just felt so grateful to be able to run. I love the feeling of having all the crap stripped away from you because your tired and my mind feels so clear when I am out here. What really matters is really clear when your out here. The trick is not forgetting when you go back. I almost forgot I talked to the coolest guy while I was running. His name was George and he has the craziest stories. He is a English Teacher by day and night . He is a crazy runner all the other time. He told me stories about when he saved Dean. He told me all these stories about the many many 100 mile races he has ran. What stood out the most to me was what a great story teller he was. I was so entertained and just in awe. Ultra runners are so cool.|
|I finished my second look at 6:45 . 12 hours after I started. I picked up my pacer and changed my wet clothes . I really did not want to change my clothes but I am so glad I finally listened because I was totally wet and it was going to be cold and windy at Sunrise Aid Station. Mike was ready to go and I told him I was tired and that the next 19 miles would take us a while. It took 6 hours. The last loop was hard mostly because my right foot was hurting so much. I have this bone at the bottom of my foot I should have a doctor look at it was not happy. Anyway I slowly made my way to the finish line and finished 17 hours 49 minutes.|
|Here I am getting my medal from the race director. I felt a huge sense of accomplishment when I finished. This was so hard but I never felt like quitting I just felt like hurry your ass up G … You might not make the cut off. I made it. This was a really well put on race I highly recommend it. You have to train for this its legit.|
|I also got my Jacket. I completed the San Diego Grand Slam. I feel so grateful to this amazing community of such awesome people. Ricky and Robert also got their jacket. They finished way before me but they still waited how, nice huh? Ricky came in 3rd so he waited a long long time for all of us to come in. Training with The Trail Crashers made this adventure accomplishable for me. I love this group. So there you go. If you have ever wanted to do something really hard as long as your not afraid to work hard you can do it. I had lots of great support both at home and from my friends.|
|I finished it was awesome.|
| Happy October|
Here it is the night before my big race. The Cuyamaca 100k. I am sitting here and there are so many crazy emotions in me . I am so grateful I have the health to even attempt this. I am so grateful to all my friends who helped me along the way. This is my last ultra for the year. I am a little sad but very excited. I think I will do it in 17 hours. You can fallow me here UltraLive.net (http://www.ultralive.net/c100k/webcast.php). I am number 187. Moments like getting ready for an event like this are really cool. Getting up at 4 am not so much. I hope to have a great long story to share as my run will be long. I really do wish I was a fast runner because then I would only be out there like 13 hours but I am me and this girl will be out there until 11pm.. I think. So do you have some great run this weekend ? What cool adventure do you have planned ? I will be sharing all about mine next week. Happy Trails Peeps. Holy Cow I will be running in New Nike Shoes.