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Thursday, December 17, 2009

Today


My blogging has slowed and the reason is December is the hardest month of the year for me. I feel sad and this December is harder but I am staying focused and making plans and kissing my kids a-lot and accepting that sometimes its like this and that's OK..because it will pass...
I am both excited and scared for next year..I feel like okay here we go...but I cant see in front in me so that's were the scared part comes in..What I do see is the people who love me and believe in me and I am so grateful for that..I am also learning to open up to those people..I am a bad communicator..I just don't want to be a bother...at least before..I have decided that some people are safe and they listen to me because they care..I cried with my girlfriend and she listened to me ..What I mean to say is..... I put myself out there and it was okay..for me I find I make it so much scarier than it needs to be and I think I can do it all by myself or that If I do it by myself it some how makes me stronger....I was WRONG....Now that I am reaching out I am finding that I don't feel alone and I am actually landing at a much softer more accepting loving place within myself...Does that make sense? Maybe what I am saying is that's its OK to be sad and I know we are human but what I am learning this December is this...I don't have to do it alone...I need to reach out and I am ..I am reaching out and being really grateful ...really grateful that I have peeps who love me..Life is REALLY wonderful full of ups and downs..But our life's are meant to be felt and enjoyed and we need to love the heck out of those who love us...I say I love you and if its not said back to me that's OK... because I don't necessarily want to hear it back..What I do want is for that person to know that I love them..My heart is filed with great stuff for them.... period...Life is good and its only going to get better....okay on with my best of 09.....
December 12Th...The best food I found this year ...I usually eat Mexican Food because that's what we cook at my house..I am not to adventurous with food so I am going to say that I love American food...Its not new to me but I love meatloaf and pot roast...I do love American food..Oh diner food ..I love diner food.
December 13th..The best change I have made in my house is I moved my Art stuff into the whats supposed to be the fancy living room...We no longer have a fancy living room but I am loving my little art room..
December 14Th...The best rush I got this year was running the Rock and Roll marathon in the perfect amount of time for me...Then watching my dad finish...I was high for weeks..Oh and having my best friend finish around 30 minutes faster than me....It was such a good day...
December 15Th....The best packaging this year was when I bought a painting from Elsie and When I got it I could just tell that they took a-lot of time and care making sure I got it in perfect shape...
December 16Th...Tea of the year..Mint tea
December 17Th....Okay ..My word of the year would be ..2009 has been a patient year for me.
December 18th.The online shop I bought the most stuff from this year was RVA...




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