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Tuesday, May 6, 2014

A thought or two

I heard the saddest story ever today on Facebook.  I got up to write this because I felt I needed too. Life is so precious and delicate. We need to take it in. It doesn't have to be right or good and you don't have to feel Happy …. The thing you need to do is just take it in. Whatever it is try to stop and smell the flowers even if there dying. I am learning to work through whatever it is that's handed to me. Feel the good and the bad but feel it all.
I have lived with fear most of my life. My biggest fear is I don't want to be left again. I am scared that I am not enough . I know why I feel this way and its because my birth mom did not raise me. When she left she took my biggest love with her. She took what I loved the most away from me and that was her. She had good reasons and I understand that now but I struggle with being not good enough to keep.  That's my big hurdle to forgive myself and let go and let God. I work on letting go every time I go for a run. I was thinking about all this energy I put into this and thought to myself I need to to just focus on healing myself and being  the best mom you can be. It is short this life we have before us. In these 80 or 90 years I plan on being here I need to live and love and write love letters and stories. Paint and draw. Cook lovely meals for my family and go to church with my kids. I need to try and remember we all have a story. We would all like to be listened too. We would all like to be seen. I need to hug my little people everyday and tell them how wonderful they are. I want to build my children up and teach them to fly. I will pray with them.. I feel tired of hearing all the try and be your best you crap. I figure its more like lets just stop thinking about being the best me and just be a good person. Just be who I am. I don't want to waste time I want to put my hand in the whole of it and get involved and messy.  I want what makes my family good. Its that time ….

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