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Thursday, July 1, 2010

Lightening the load..

My friend Carrie is taking a class. The Summer of Love by Kara H. This picture was a homework assignment given out in the class and Carrie did a great job capturing the light. She is a very creative girl and we have had fun hanging out lately....Thanks for the picture C.
I have been in a somewhat quite place. I have been feeling somewhat still inside. I think it started with the cleaning..We all do laundry and dishes and clean and clean and clean..If you walked into my house you would say I was fibbing...Gloria you need to clean !!! but I have, but you cant tell , well I cant tell either...but I have been Lightening my load...The drawers are sparse and you can see the floors of all the closets..My belongings and those of my kids are slowly becoming less...I have to admit it feels great..My left side of my brain goes like this...Gloria you might need that..Its so cute, Christopher gave you that paperclip for your birthday ..save it. My right side tells me...Gloria ,please throw that away. You don't need it. Christopher is OK with it too...(he was 3 and I don't think he remembers) OK.. you get it..Let go of the little paperclips. This does not mean let go of the memories ..no way Jose..This means that I am finding that by giving away, throwing out and being much more selective of stuff I bring into my house ..I am more at peace...It becomes easier for me to be more aware of what is important to me..We all know whats important to us..but to consciously look for those moments in out everyday life is harder..I think the de-cluttering of my house has put me in a still and more grounded space..
Right now I am feeling like I have so much to think about...because I have let go of so much. I am looking into the empty drawers of my life only to find they are full..of unexpected joy ,friendships and love. Was all this goodness there the whole time but my drawers were to full of paperclips for me to see....or was I holding on to all the crap in there and feeling sorry for myself
That I was completely closed off to what would could be in my drawers...(I am not sure).but I do know this ..somehow I am understanding that blaming others for the crap in my closets does not work..It only makes me feel worse and others around me feel bad for me. I don't want that..I am learning that the cleaning of my house, and my mind and letting go of the blame in my past is so healing... after all I am a consistent work in progress..My tomorrow is what I make it. I can choose to believe in myself or not. I must keep trying always to better myself ...If I choose to get stuck in the past or not..That's My choice...to believe that if I consciously try to work on myself ... by Letting go of the past so that I can be here .. fully present for today..this moment...then I am OK...better that OK...happy!!!!
A woman sees what she looks for -Barbara Jenkins,author
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