Thursday, November 18, 2010

On trust..

I am hearing this word twirling in my head a-lot. Trust is something that I guess we are born with right? We trust that our parents will feed us and that they will love us. We trust that they provide a home for us. We trust that the little things will be there tomorrow.
I lost trust at a very early age. I guess I didn't really lose it as much as it was taken from me.
Many things happened that were not in my control. It changed me in many ways. This last year I lost my long time best friend she betrayed my trust . My heart forgives her but I can not forget what she did ever. I struggle with trust. I struggle with taking chances with people . I get scared and I back away. So, I am working on taking chances right because I don't want my heart to turn into a rock..I do want not believe in the power of love. So I am forcing myself to take a chances. I am choosing to trust in those I love. Trust that even if crappy things happened a really long time ago that I have the power to let go of them. I know you cant let just let go and poof its gone. Hurt comes when you least expect it and kicks you in the butt. I let it kick me I feel the yuckiness and let myself sit with it and then I say OK I know I feel this way right now and I recognize how I am feeling but now I need to move on and start letting the hurt go. Its been working for me. I am trying to move forward in this healing process, trust . I don't want to get stuck. I want to grow and it seems that with trust and love we need to take chances with our heart and that's can be scary..but there's no way around it.
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