Saturday, March 23, 2013

Listening to Frank

This is what I have been listening too lately.
 In my past life (When I was married) we had a big living room and it had hard wood floors and I used to play this Frank really loud and my little family would run to the living room and we would pretend to ball room dance. I used to take dancing lessons and my mom used to dance professionally so I could pretend well..
There is something about Frank Sinatra's voice that is so beautiful and elegant. I was sitting with my aunt yesterday and she was telling me about how life has so many ups and downs and how this ride we call life is like a roller coaster..Honey she said you are riding along and everything looks good and next thing you know you are dropping straight down and before you know what happened you are going up again. I totally agree.
 Looking back on my story I often feel like holy cow I have been on the Matterhorn.. That crazy roller coaster. Looking back I would not change a thing or experience. I totally get that everything we go though makes us who we are and I like myself.. 
I do often feel insecure about my number.What I mean by that is I have been married twice and divorced once. My dad tells me that because my first husband Roger whom I loved with my entire being went to heaven that I should not think about that one..I feel I want to think about that one and count it and never forget my first marriage.. I got married in Vegas and I wore the cutest mini skirt white silk dress. I was so quite back then. He wore a grey shirt and black pants. We got married at the Chapel of harmony.(how fancy hu )  Somehow while Roger was in chemo therapy I got pregnant. I was so happy but he was crazy happy. I knew Paola was a blessing because how many people do you know that get pregnant while there husband is in chemo..mot many..Roger told me when Paola was born that he never knew he was capable of loving anyone as much as he loved her..I felt so good about being able to give him such a great life experience that allowed him to experience loving your child . The last thing I remember about when he was alive was the way he looked at Paola and I. I was 24 when he went to heaven and Paola was 2. That was a great life experience. Its funny how I feel insecure about sharing my story..I think I feel afraid that someone will criticize me..When really as long as I am good with God and I like myself and I am good mom I am good...
why do I even have those dumb insecure thoughts.. probably because I am a girl.. I used to label post like these ramblings from my brain.. I think I will label them Little pieces from My Life Story..I hope you are having a lovely weekend. I am sitting in my bed with my knew blanket sharing listening to Frank..Have a wonderful Day..
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