Showing up

The showing up game. It becomes a challenge day after day to show up . I play little games with myself that help me get there. I believe the part about running that I love is that you pick a goal and put in lots of running , cross training, good sleep and then you show up and hopefully you do well because you put in the work. I am in the middle of training for my first 50 miler and so along the way you need to run a couple marathons so last night I was looking for some trail marathons because the 50 miler is on trail. It would probably be good to do some trail work right ? So there I was with big thoughts going through my mind. You can do this G . You will find the long run you need and you show up and run it. Then guess what happened…. I found one. Its only an hour away and all I could think was OH SH T…  I thought I would be excited but what  happened is I  got a huge knot in my tummy.
 I didn't sign up because all I could think was G you can not run that far.
What is up with this voice in my head. How many times do I do this. I guess everybody does it and if you are reading this and you don't then congratulations …You are amazing. So what I am learning is that I feel when I grow is when I show up and conquer stuff I am scared off.  This running thing is helping me more courageous and I am able to look at that gremlin and say GO AWAY>> I am going to do this thing you say I can't because I know I can… It makes me feel a little like a have a super power and that is showing up super power..Showing up for me...