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Friday, October 30, 2015

Choosing Happy thoughts

Its always easier to write about what we felt bad about after we have come out of it and are standing on the other side. I thought I would share the thoughts that I was telling myself that where making me feel almost embarrassed. I have been feeling sorry for myself. I try to do my best when it comes to being a parent and having a well put together house so I can go run guilt free so when I get to the starting line I always feel free and ready to do my best. This last year It dawned on me that my best was coming in near the back of the pack. I love running these distances and I have a wonderful time doing it. If I had a choice of going shopping or a fancy dinner and dancing or running a race or going for a long run I would choose running.
Here is the story I was taking part in a race and someone asked me how long is it going to take me to finish. "What's your estimated time ?"  I said  "we have 11 hours so I should do it in 9 hours ". Then just like that they said," oh so you will come in the back ," Its crazy that just like that these words a total stranger told me busted my balloon. It has been about 2 months and I just could not get them out of my head. I was thinking I am lining up with all these amazing runners and should I be there. I need to get better and faster. This is me being totally honest  I don't know if I can any faster. I am giving 100 percent so where does this leave me.  It's made me do some soul searching.                               The am I good enough situation.

This is what I came up with.
1. Am I really doing my best ?  I would say YES
2. Is this one of my great passions ? YEAH
3. Am I trying to prove anything ? No
4. Has this sport added to my life and my self growth ? Yes
5. Has this made me a better person ? Yes
6. Do I really care what I place I come in ? No

OK so with that said and I decided that everyone is entitled to there own opinion. I feel like my journey has lead me to meet great people and that I needed to do some growing up. Its difficult not to let what other people say effect how we feel about ourselves but its important to try and understand why this persons opinion hurt me. That's because I did feel bad about coming in the back. I decided to let that negative thinking go in the trash can. I am gong to choose before every run and every race to feel good and proud about my race. I am alive and healthy enough to run that is what I need to focus on.
Oh those f--ing gremlins can go suck and egg..
I hope you have a great weekend and here is to having a great life.

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