Checking In..

Hi...Friends, I thought I would check in and talk a little bit about what's going on in my life (besides running).  I have good news to share as of 3 days ago I am legally divorced!!! Yeah Me!!!  It took me more than 3 years but I finally got the SOB to sign the papers.  It wasn't easy in fact it has been a very emotional, gut wrenching journey.  They say if we are not growing we are dying and I definitely think I have grown as a woman over the last three years.  I also feel that good things are ahead of me.  My X-hole believes if he doesn't sign the divorce papers he doesn't have pay child support... As frustrating as this has been I hope to get him to do what he is legally obligated to do, pay family support.  Like most women the only reason I stayed in an abusive relationship was because I didn't know how I would be able to support myself and my three kids.  Ultimately, I did not believe in myself.  Guess what I did it! I am not living large by any means but I am happy. I provide for my children, despite the fact that X-hole hasn't paid me family support since December.  I pay my kids medical insurance because he does not.  I live in a cute house, I work, I am a loving mother to my kids and I think that having less has made me much more creative!!!  I am always trying to come up with ways to have fun with my children.

I believe in living in the moment.  I love my life and I am working hard on having peace with my past.  The demons that follow me where ever I go. There is a Zen saying I really like: “Wherever you go, there you are”.  It took me some time to finally understand its meaning, but maybe before I had not been ready to embrace the concept. Now I’m ready and my translation is: “Enjoy the process”.  You can't run away from your past. I love myself and if I have learned anything it's that self encouragement is huge.  I practice the art of talking pretty to myself. If you don't, you should try it, because it works...  Next week I will share some of the paintings I have been working on. They remind me of my sister.  I hope to put them all on my Etsy shop next week..
Ohh... One more thing I have been thinking about making a dress a lot lately... I think I am going to make that dream a reality this weekend... You know one of those A-line cream colored dresses... I have been feeling the need to sew.  I know this post is all over the place but my head is all over the place. So there you have it.

"My words reflect my thoughts: My thoughts reflect my beliefs: and my beliefs run my life."

Its an Instagram Saturday

This is what my Saturday looked like through  Instagram... I have been doing lots of thinking.  I'm trying to slowly implement little changes into my life.  Today my dad and I had our long run.  I have only missed one day of my 21 days of running.  The first 8 days were very hard for me.  The hardest part for me is getting up at 6am, getting dressed and running out the door.  I started with mindset of no expectations, just run baby.  This morning my long run with my dad was pretty easy and I think that's because I have been practicing... My stamina is slowly coming back.  Practice is is a good thing... 

Recognizing I am enough

I have been having lots of feelings of self-doubt.  I am trying to figure out where all this self-doubt comes from… I really don't care about the past and what created this bag of self-doubt.  What I am trying to understand is... “How do I get rid of it?!?!?”  This morning while on my run I was thinking how great it would be to have a “recycle your shit here” service…  That would be so terrific.  If you are carrying crap from your past and you’re ready to get rid of it, you hit a button that says, “To Recycle Press Here.”  Then I woke up and realized it just doesn’t work that way.  Some people say you need to work through it.  Others say you need to just let go. There are thousands of books that tell people how to exercise the demons.  I am learning that different things work for different people.  That’s what makes us individuals.  The key is acknowledging the issue, figuring out what works for and putting in the time and work.  I am right in the middle of my mission of wanting to let go.  What do they say? Three steps forward 2 steps back. Since I am on this self proclaimed mission of lightning my load, I thought I would share a little of what’s helping me move forward… First I am learning to be kind to myself.   I am thinking positive thoughts and I’m not allowing self-criticism.  I need to say nice and kind things to myself.  We all need to hear I love you mom or honey you’re so beautiful, Babe, I am so in love with you, you’re the best, you complete me etc...  That’s nice but what we tell ourselves is huge…  The whole kindness matter situation is so true and it all starts with you.  So here is another thing I do…  This is silly but it’s starting to work for me… I am carrying a picture of myself in my purse and when I have all that doubt that creeps I take it my picture and look at myself...  I talk very sweetly to myself and remind myself that I am only human, I am trying my best and that in its self is enough.  Then I say be nice to Gloria and be patient with her… Is that crazy? Things that make you go hmmm
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The last thing that is working for me comes from this quote… “Happiness in not something ready made. It comes from actions.”~ The Dalai Lama




My suggestion to you is to do what you love to do.  If you love to craft, journal or run make time to do it.  And if you have kids and you think you don't have time, bring them with you on your journey.  Trust me spending time with you is what your kids want more than anything else. You will be so happy and they will learn some self-love routines. So bottom line is be nice to yourself and cut yourself some slack.   When we do this life is just better... Finding our light takes time but I firmly believe we hold on to our fuel… Nurture yourself with love, light, understanding and patience. Practice shinning brightly…