Saturday, December 28, 2013

One of those days

Let me start by saying  that I am super emotional right now . The weekends when I don't have all my kids are hard. My heart misses them. That part of getting a divorce sucks. Today we went on a hike with out my big kids. Just the baby and the adults. Even though I felt sad and incomplete with out them we decided to go a long hike. The mountains are something that just fills me. I grew up here but when I moved to Boulder in 2001 I knew I supposed to be there. I feel so good when I am outside but when I am in the middle of the mountains with my peeps. When the only thing I have to do is enjoy being outside and lots of hiking that just fills me up.. Today baby Jack went on his first hike. His dad carried him in this very cool back pack we bought with our Christmas money. It was so amazing to his his little face looking at everything and he loved the backpack. I think it must be nice for him not to have to look up at everyone but look down at us. I seriously wish I would of had 7 kids. I love being there mom. For me growing up I had a -lot of labels put on me that I carried for a long time.. Things I believed I was. The day I had Paola I knew was going to be a good mom to her and there was nothing that anyone could say to take that away. I was determined to be the best mother I could possibly be. It helps that you love your kids like crazy there your kids and after all are a part of us. So loving your kids is loving yourself. 

so now put the mountains and my kids in one place, even if its one of my kids and there you have it.
All I need for peace and love in my heart. Today turned out to be awesome .  Did I tell you I love the mountains. So beautiful . So all inspiring . Its crazy how incredibly lucky I feel. I have just what I need. Not more but just the perfect amount to make things flow. My dad was so funny today and its hard because I can tell he is getting older so I just want to take this time with him and put it in a box. 

Thank you God for my today for what you have blessed me with. 
So today turned out to be one of those days that reminded me to stop wanting things. Stop wasting time thinking about the past what I used to have what I lost those are all material things. They don't hug you. They don't hold your hand. The people in our lives do. I am learning in my older age 41.
I need to be aware that what I have is enough. That what I need to take care is right in front of mr taking care of me. I need to let that sit inside of me and make a home. Love what you have G. It love you. Do you see him looking at me. My little man I promise to love you and take great care of you as long as I can..

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