May you rest in peace

My kids lost there dad last week in a most horrible way. I lost my x husband and a life long friend. His friends lost the fun guy that made them laugh. The medical world lost a great researcher . His mother lost her  passionate son and the world lost Chris. There won't ever be another him. He was truly brilliant. He made you feel like you where the only person in the world and he had so much class. 

I started this blog when we where married and even though it did not work between us we still somehow kept our friendship together. We traveled all over the world and had many adventures. Chris spoke French and Italian fluently he loved traveling. My favorite story of us is how we met. I was late going to work so I was running through the parking lot to the elevator in the building I worked in. I made it to the elevator when I looked behind me and saw this tall guy ask me to hold the elevator and run in. He told me I ran to catch the elevator because I saw you and I thought to myself I might never see you again so I thought I would run in and ask you to lunch. I looked up and said lunch would be nice. Then he said you look very pretty and I said you look great too.  
2 years later we where married and 3 years later we had Christopher. When it was good it was great. My kids will miss him and I will miss him. May you rest in Peace and we will never ever ever forget you. 

Food and choices

My food Life : I have been really working on my relationship with food. If you fallow me here you know or have read I love all food and have been lucky for  most of my life because I can easily maintain a my weight between 120 to 130. The one thing that I have always struggled with is my tummy always hurts.  I know that it is my food choices. I was able to give up sugar . I know its only been about 10 days but no sugar for me so far. I know that I really need to make better choices specially because I feed 5 people everyday. 

I love cooking for my family I really do . I have always loved coming home with a box of donuts and baking for them it is how I show my love. One of my favorite sayings is ,"is your tummy happy."  I love making dinner and sitting at the table with my kids. I just know I could do a better job with the choices of food I feed them.
Maybe it is maturity of the fact that I have been in so much tummy pain it could also be the fact that I have more healthy friends and I listen to what they say more. I am not sure what it is but I have come to the conclusion that I really need to educate myself on food. I need to figure out what is really healthy and what is not. I want to feed my family with food I know is good for them not just filling them up.
I also think ultimately this will help my running life. I will get healthier and be able to run longer. Hopefully forever RIGHT ??
My plan is to educate myself and start to cut out the things I know hurt my tummy. I am starting with reading It starts with food first and I am sure many other books will fallow. If you have any recommendations please leave me a comment. 

Squaw Day 1. We arrived

Yesterday I got up at 4:15 am and was out the door by 4:45am. Bella and I drove from my house to Sacramento to pick up the boys. I thought it would be better to have my car and all of our stuff so I drove. I am glad I did . I brought Jacks bed and his toys with me and by 4 we where all together. Once in Squaw we got settled in out cabin. (its awesome) then I called Becca and we all got together for dinner. We where STARVING.

Then we went for a walk around the village. A knitted gondola. How cool would that be in my back yard. The kids had a great time exploring. 

Look at number 4. How Exciting !! Western States Trail race. 

Home of the winter Olympics in 1960. Thats a long time ago. The village is really pretty and I can only imagine how beautiful it must be in the winter.

Here they are my loves. I am missing Paola . The weather is really nice it was in the 70s last night and no humidity. They where having a concert and we did a little walking and unfortunatly Jack fell and got a big knot but he is ok. 

The sprinklers where on and Jack thought this entire thing was a car wash. He said "running mama". This is where the starting line will be on Thursday.

Then we all went to the playground and before we knew it the mosquitos where eating us. The day ended well. We got here safe and our little cabin is perfect. We saw our friends at this point I feel like we are family. We spend so much time together. I love it. Jack's little head is ok and as I sit here drinking my coffee everyone is sleeping. 3 more days until the big race. I am going to go for a run in about an hour . I find it hard to believe that I am going to be able to run Western. I promised my self not to take any of it for granted. I am going to run with a grateful heart and practice being present. 

Tuesday talks

Tuesday. Today was a good day Jack and I hit the beach with my dad. It is Mothers day in Mexico today and I could not stop thinking about my mom and what she must be going through today missing my sister. Losing someone is like going through life under a dark cloud but you still have to go through it. I think it might be that motion of moving forward no matter how slow that keeps us going. You just can't give up. When I am really tired during an Ultra and I get to yet another big hill I find myself saying baby steps G. Just keep moving taking baby steps and before you know it your at the top.
I was able to get my run in 5 miles and a did my yoga class at home too. Today was simple we had taco Tuesday the kids got there homework done and my dad stayed for dinner. I am so grateful for simple easy days. 

My Grateful Heart

This was one of those moments. Life slowed down and I was taken back in time. I used to sit in that same chair my son is sitting in with my dad when I was young. 33 years later I found myself looking back in time. Its my son sitting next to him. Time goes by so quickly. It is so important to make the best we can out of each day. Today the best for me was having this moment. Seeing it and being able to observe it. I feel my gratitude so deep with in me. I know no one is here forever and that it is so important to say I love you every day to those we hold close.  My heart felt so full as I sat with these two. I love when it is the simple things that mean everything . Today this moment was everything. 

Days of December

Getting ready for Christmas ?? I am trying to get a little Christmas in everyday. Today we headed over to Balboa Park. We saw the big tree by the Balboa Theater. We tried to watch the puppet show. We stayed as long as Jack wanted to and that was about 25 minutes. That's OK when your 2,  25 minutes is a long time to sit still. We had lunch at the Japanese Gardens and we walked around for a couple hours. It felt as Christmas as you can feel when its 80 degrees outside. Happy Holidays.

A mini day trip ADVENTURE

Hi Peeps.. How is your week going ? I have had an easy week over here.  Driving my kids to school and doing laundry but I have been able to get my runs in even if they are short and a couple workouts in. Yesterday I took as mini road trip with my dad and Jack to Palomar Mountain. It is about and hour and half from my house so not to far but it is a slow 1:30 because it is a very windy road.( I don't like those roads ) Jack was practicing his patience and he did well. When we finally arrived it cost 7$ to go into the Park for the day and guess what we where the only people there. There was no one else in sight and ours was the only car. It was beautiful . The leaves are all changing color and it felt like a really good fall weather. When you live in San Diego you have to enjoy it when you can capture this feeling. Jack was so excited to get out of the car and run around. Let's go run mama.. 

The elevation was 5500 feet and it was 65 degrees. We saw deer and ducks. We threw stick in the pond and collected acorns. We crossed a bridge and smelled a pine tree and the best part was when my dad Jack and I where all sitting on a huge log and Jack held us both really tight and looked up at my dad and said oh grampa .. It was special for sure. This kid brings out the best in me. 

When your little a pond is awesome. He yelled at the ducks and he would look at the water and say two trees mama. I think he saw the reflection and was showing me the two trees. We hiked for about 3 hours. I definitely got my work out in because half of that hike I carried Jack. He can get heavy. 

My favorite picture from yesterday. My little boy exploring. I really can't complain about anything. I feel so full of hope and joy and when I see this it helps me look at our future in a soft light. I love how much Joy a couple hours outside brings us. I love that I get to show my kids the parts of life I feel are so important and in doing so they to will see the soft light that can surround our life. Yesterday was a really good day. One I won't forget anytime soon. 

November

Can you believe it is already November ? This year went by quickly. It still feels like summer here. I took this picture today at 9am . It was a already starting to get get warm. I started of this month by going to watch a race. It was really great. Jack and Christopher had a good time running around the park. I love getting outside and as much as I dislike getting up in the morning I love getting out side in the morning. hmmm That does not really make sense Right. So as I do at the beginning of every month I made some goals for this month.
Goals for November.
1. Run 150 miles.
2. Only have sugar in my coffee
3. go see 2 movies with my kids
4. go on a date w my dad
5. visit 2 museums with Jack
6. run a marathon
7. get caught up on my photo album / project life
8. Practice telling the gremlins in my head to go F---k themselves
9. go visit my sister
10. go to church
There you go. I love having goals. I think is the perfect month to post about things that make me happy . So instead of grateful I am going with happy. I am just happy to feel happy. 

Numkin mama

We set out for the day. Just little man and me. Two back packs and one destination.

Yes, you guessed it the Pumpkin Patch. I decided that we should go in the early in the day. When it's just us because that way we could take our sweet time. We could explore all the pumpkin field and and not have to wait in any lines. We did just that. We took our rime walking through 3 fields and I just let him explore. It feels so good to not be in a hurry and to just let go of any expectations . My older kids were in school so it was just us.

Having the privilege of being his mama is great. I love the way everything is new and how he knew what these big orate things are called. Numkin Mama Numkin. He kept trying to pick them up but they were to big for him. 

I walked him over to the tractor rides but he decided they were to loud, so intend he played with this magical stick that also became a vacuum at any given time. There was so many bug and he didn't mind. On the contrary he said Hi bug. How are you ? His cuteness fills every inch of me with love.

This is the best thing about being able to stay home with him. Moments of pure bliss. I know this is what matters now for me. Every passion that lives inside of me helps me grow and love into bigger a bigger me. A fuller more rounded me. I have so much to learn about everything but going to the Numkin patch with this little guy and just being all I needed.

Every person we meet and let into our lives I believe is here to teach us something if we let them. This little guy makes me want to love better and hug more. Numkin mama . Best words ever. 

Be glad you did

As I was getting ready to go meet my dad there where many things I needed to get done . I decided to let all of it go and that it could wait. Then I though to myself how important this was to my dad and how much fun I knew we would have. After changing my positives into negatives I felt happy. I had 45 minute drive all by myself in the car.  I could of thought man I have to drive so far but instead I thought Yeah I get to drive and sometimes I listen to music and others I drive in silence. It would be just me and sometimes that can be so nice. 

Even though I left early parking was crazy so as soon as I parked I  had to run to meet my dad and as I turned the corner there was my dad with a huge smile waiting for me. Suddenly the fact that I was in a hurry and the nervous energy just went away. Its funny how that happens. I made it with 4 minutes to spare.  It does not take much to turn negative thoughts into positive ones. The most important thing you need is to be aware of your thoughts and then when the negatives pop in there …think of some good ones and even if they don't seem as important as the negative ones just go with the good ones and you will be glad you did.

Not so fun Saturday

This weekend did not go as planned. I had so much to do and I ended up getting a migraine . It was so bad I just cried. There was no way I could run today and I hope tomorrow if my head feels better I can go for a short run.  I also think I have been fighting something because this last week really kicked my butt. My fatigue level has been crazy. I have taken a long nap every day, everyday . Maybe thats why I got this crazy headache. All I can do is hope it goes away now. Then life will go back to normal. Me chasing this little guy around. Cooking for my older kids and me hitting the street with my Hokas. I hope your having a great weekend. 

Thursday Stories

She was kind, sweet and loving in the way grandmothers are supposed to be. The story is that from the first day I came home from the hospital I slept with her. My mom and dad lived in the same house as my grandmother and I guess she claimed me. She always looked at me and said my sweet girl. I always felt like I was hers. Her eyes held a place for me and I belonged in them. Sometimes she would hold my face in her sweet hands and it was perfect. She had the kindest voice and I remember how much I admired her beauty. I rarely saw her with out makeup on. She was in her late 80s in this picture so as you can tell she really was beautiful. My favorite story about her told to me by my aunt. Her daughter the one I have grown to call mom. That my grams had the most beautiful night gowns she would put on after dinner when it was time to go to bed. They had matching robes and slippers and my grandfather loved them. That tells me she was in love and she must of been in passionate love with my grandfather. It reminds me of her class and beauty. Her love of fashion but she always wanted to look her best. She took pride in her self. I love that. She was also a great cook and loved feeding us. She showed her love for us in her service. She loved us by feeding us and she always smelled so good. I wish she could of lived forever. So she could of met all of my children . I wish I could hear her sweet voice and smell her. I have so much admiration for her. The biggest gift she gave me was the love she showed me. She has been gone for a couple years now but she will never be forgotten. This week on my runs I just played the memories I have of her in my head . It was like watching my favorite movie over and over. It is so important to love with an open heart and not hold back. 

Most of the family went to visit her on her Birthday. Jack said hi too. Love is never lost it can always be found in the memories we hold close to our heart. Happy Birthday Tita. I miss you.

Lovely Monday

Monday morning took me to the beach with my little boy. The weather has been great and I would call it beach weather. Jack loves being outside more than I do. He squealed when he saw that I had parked in front of the beach.  I can't seem to get him out of the car fast enough.  Then once we are on the beach its on. Yes he was wearing his pajama bottoms and I thought he looked so cute. He ran straight to the birds then to the water. To make a long story short I was waist deep in the ocean with my baby .  The ocean was very calm and surprisingly warm. We stayed as long as we could and then when I felt the breeze pick up we left.  Jack enjoyed the beach the sand and the rocks. Defenately one of the great life experiences that comes with children is acting like a child.. This mom acted like a fun loving , beach going while , wearing my clothes beach mom.

Family Time

Our hike began around noon. It was still cold but you could feel the warm sun and that made it feel right. My son insisted on once again carrying Jack. That was so nice to have help. We talked a-lot about how beautiful it is .

My 13 year old is now taller than me and he really is a huge help.

The clouds would just move by us. We all took turns saying what animal we saw. I love that game. Then all of a sudden they passed by and the sky was blue again.

The blue Sky is back.

We went back to the car after our fist hike and drove to our next place of adventure..It was lie a 20 minute drive. This is Jack hanging out in the trunk while we had our snacks. I forgot his shoes so I couldn't let him run around to much. So he was happy to be able to stretch out in the back of the car.

One of my favorite things is watching my kids play. It always seems to take a while before they just forget about all the other stuff and just play. This makes mom happy..The next pictures were fun and silly.. I love them.

Everyone Jump/ or not but hey I will take it. Its these moments that I know in a couple years I will miss. Its these moments I adore.

There is nothing that brings me so much pleasure as being in the mountains with my kids at my side.

Hello Simple Monday

Hello Simple Monday, Thank you for once again giving me another chance to start again. Once a week you bring a new beginning. This week you bring a chance to see good friends and family. A chance to love more . An opportunity to stand in gratitude.  There is hope that comes with Monday. A simple hope that we can make this week better than last. That this week we will grow. Start something new or maybe just let go. With in every Monday there is a new story that will be written and that we take a lead role in. This week I am choosing to take on a new adventure to see new stories that are right in front of me . To not be negative and to simply love more…to love with out fear of anything. This week I will love my life a little bit more. Thank you MOnday for giving me yet another opportunity to start over.

A hiking date with Jack

Today I was able to run away with Jack into the mountains for a couple hours. We went on a hike. I think I get way more excited than Jack does that is for sure. I decided not to drive to far from home because my kid hates the car seat. It was a good day to hike here in San Diego. A little overcast and not to hot. 

I really do feel a crazy urge to go outside for as long as I can and run around or hike or whatever I just need to feel the air. Jack does not complain he is ready and willing to let me carry him. The kid is heavy or maybe the pack is ?? He amuses himself by pulling on my hair. Pulling my hat off or grabbing my glasses. Its all ok with me as long as we are both amused.

After an hour I let him out to play for a bit. He walked around this wall for about 20 minutes and I fallowed him. I love watching him explore. His word right now is WOW !!! He sees a bug he says wow . He loved looking at this stone wall and the pictures on murals. I run by this wall often on Saturday mornings but now I will forever think of it as Jacks wall. He looks so small standing there.

Everyday I am so grateful to have kids. I think maybe because my older kids are all in school and  so I had forgotten how amazing it is to see life though a little persons eyes. It has been 10 years since I had a little person.  He also loves airplanes. This is us watching them fly by. We walked for about 8 miles I think . I was trying to figure it out but I think that's about right. My back says it was way more than that. 

I used to think a-lot of stupid stuff like I can't take him alone in the pack its to heavy. Dumb assumption I can carry it. I used to think I can't go out there alone I will get lost. Not true either.. I am smart girl and with Jack on my back getting lost is not an option. I love this growing up thing and finally understanding that  all those insecurities I had I don't need anymore.. Life is to short and going by way to fast for me to put any energy into the stupid thoughts or dumb assumptions …