Friday, October 9, 2015

Live Running

It is almost a week since race day. I have been feeling that great calmness that comes with crossing the finish line 17:49  after you start . I am to tired to worry about stuff so I don't.  I was having lunch today by myself ( I love eating out alone) and thinking about why I love this sport so much. I came to the conclusion that somehow and I don't know how but this helps me heal. I don't necessarily feel like I hurt but the hurt is there and me  going out on the trails and running for a long ass time somehow breaks me down enough to know I made it. I survived my biggest heartache the one that has been with me since I was 6. The one that is not meant to be fixed because it has made me who I am. The one that I can't seem to let go of so I have chosen to let it be inside of me. I run because it heals all of me. It lets me know I am fine and I am way more than ok.
 It leads me to a joy I had never felt before. Its not the race but it is being outside and running and walking all day. I am falling in love deeply with the mountains that surround me on theses runs.  Every time I have the opportunity to be surrounded by them It just feels so good. I know I am a slow runner but sometimes I feel so lucky that I am still out there. Its not over yet for me and I love that. 

Happiness comes in so many different things for all of us. I feel so grateful that I found something I love so much. More grateful that San Diego has so many awesome races and ultra running community. This lady named Jenny held my hand last week looked in my eyes and very gently told me I know your tired but you have a race to finish. You can do this. I believe in you. Stuff like that stays with me .. I freaking love this sport. Happy Friday

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