Tuesday, March 1, 2016

Oh Happy March

Happy March Peeps.
 It seems hard to believe that we are already into march but we are. That was quick right ? I have been taking it easy over here. I had a bad week last week and one I learned a valuable lesson from. I got sick last week. I was getting a head cold with some flu like stuff. I decided to go for a run last Thursday. (sick) Even though I knew better I fought my intuition. On Thursday evening on my way home from my run I got the worse migraine I have ever had. It lasted 3 days. I had a fever a cough and on top of that a migraine that was making me nauseous all night. I was so miserable and I knew that I made  it worse by going for a run and I did anyway. I ended up going to the hospital Saturday morning and hours later some good drugs the migraine went away. The lesson I learned was I need to listen and just stop when my body tells me  too or screams stop. This all leads me to really think about what I am doing. I hate lying to myself so all this crazy questions pop into my head.. Please feel free to leave me a comment of you have any words of wisdom.
When I stop and ask myself  what is going on that I felt I needed to go for a run when I was so sick.  I have been feeling a-lot of anxiety and to be honest I am kinda like oh shit I am going to run Western and what if I don't train enough. I am so excited but also so scared. I have dreams that I melt during the run. I just feel like I have so much anxiety over this whole thing. I know its just a race but its not its THE RACE. The one race I have been dreaming about for so long. So how to deal with the anxiety that is just sitting heavy on  my chest. I heard exercise is great for nerves and I just need to be nicer to myself. I need to just let it happen. You know when your in it , When your living it sometimes its just not that easy. That's the beauty of life we learn we grow and we try and figure all the hard shit out. I have been fighting fear forever . When I feel afraid to do something I have to do it. I have to get over my fear. I know that running has really helped me get over fear in my life and more than that it has completely somehow given me the inner strength I need to let go of things that do not serve me. I think maybe this sport came at a time when I was more mature and I do not know how but through running these long races I have been able to heal. Running gave me this inner peace and led me to have this personal relationship with God. He is always out there with me and I am out there a long time. You know I spent over 30 years  carrying this hurt with me and attached to it was blame and pity and self doubt . When I started running ultras I would dedicate each race and I chose a race because thats when I about there forever. I would dedicate each one to letting go and working through some childhood issue. When I was near the end of my race and I had friend and laughed and I was so tired I was also done and able to let go of that issue. I still feel sorry for myself sometimes but now I am brave enough to know better. So maybe the key is to just keep taking care of my kids and training and then just do my best at Western. I am going to have to learn to trust the man upstairs put it in his hands and just love on my kids and make time to train. Well there you go. Here is hoping March is a wonderful month for all of us. 

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