One of those days

Let me start by saying  that I am super emotional right now . The weekends when I don't have all my kids are hard. My heart misses them. That part of getting a divorce sucks. Today we went on a hike with out my big kids. Just the baby and the adults. Even though I felt sad and incomplete with out them we decided to go a long hike. The mountains are something that just fills me. I grew up here but when I moved to Boulder in 2001 I knew I supposed to be there. I feel so good when I am outside but when I am in the middle of the mountains with my peeps. When the only thing I have to do is enjoy being outside and lots of hiking that just fills me up.. Today baby Jack went on his first hike. His dad carried him in this very cool back pack we bought with our Christmas money. It was so amazing to his his little face looking at everything and he loved the backpack. I think it must be nice for him not to have to look up at everyone but look down at us. I seriously wish I would of had 7 kids. I love being there mom. For me growing up I had a -lot of labels put on me that I carried for a long time.. Things I believed I was. The day I had Paola I knew was going to be a good mom to her and there was nothing that anyone could say to take that away. I was determined to be the best mother I could possibly be. It helps that you love your kids like crazy there your kids and after all are a part of us. So loving your kids is loving yourself. 

so now put the mountains and my kids in one place, even if its one of my kids and there you have it.
All I need for peace and love in my heart. Today turned out to be awesome .  Did I tell you I love the mountains. So beautiful . So all inspiring . Its crazy how incredibly lucky I feel. I have just what I need. Not more but just the perfect amount to make things flow. My dad was so funny today and its hard because I can tell he is getting older so I just want to take this time with him and put it in a box. 

Thank you God for my today for what you have blessed me with. 
So today turned out to be one of those days that reminded me to stop wanting things. Stop wasting time thinking about the past what I used to have what I lost those are all material things. They don't hug you. They don't hold your hand. The people in our lives do. I am learning in my older age 41.
I need to be aware that what I have is enough. That what I need to take care is right in front of mr taking care of me. I need to let that sit inside of me and make a home. Love what you have G. It love you. Do you see him looking at me. My little man I promise to love you and take great care of you as long as I can..

Merry Pictures

This Christmas was special. My kids are all happy and there was a-lot of smiles in my home.

Our tree was small but perfect. Our home felt cozy and no one got sick.

Miss P was all smiles as her boy friend joined our celebration. She is turning out to be such a wonderful adult. 

I tried new recopies given to me by a loved friend who cooks like a pro. I even lost my fear of cooking for a big group of people.

These two treated each other with love and respect and it made a things more special. The new saying in our home for 2014 is please ask for things with love in your voice.

and a very special baby boy had his very first Christmas..
My heart could not be happier. 

Merry Christmas

Wishing you a wonderful Holiday Season ..

Happy Holidays

Here he is the owner of every person who lives in my houses heart. Yes ..we all are all in crazy love over this little boy. He is starting to develop a his own little personality. He laughs a-lot and pretends to talk to me all day long. I am smitten with everything about him and I could kiss him all day long, I try and share with other people in my house but its hard. I think I am a baby hog and I love it and I love it. I know how fast the days go by so I am getting as many hugs kisses as I can. I feel so lucky that my 3 other kids can share this awesome experience with me.
He is just so cute...

Love this video..

Sisters

Last year I got up the nerve to give my sister a painting of her two girls and herself. She loved it so much that this year I wanted to paint her a picture of her twins. I think it turned out happy. My sister has identical twins girls and they are 5 years old. They are so cute so I picked happy colors that reminded me of there personality and I like how they are looking at each other. 

I love my big sister so I am excited that I made it with time and I just hope she likes it.

First time

Today we went to the park..Just for a little while and baby Jack got to go down the slide for the first time. First in his big sisters arms 

then in his big brothers arms..Yup…
not sure how much he liked it but he sure looked cute…
There is a first time for everything..

A little beach

Here is something I just learned or maybe I knew but I just got it.
Christmas is about doing a-lot of this..

spending as much time as I can with my family. What I have been practicing doing more is listening. I am leaving my phone in the car and just trying to listen better. I am not sure if that's proper  English or not. The more I listen to my kids the more they want to tell me. Sometimes that's good and other times I need more patience. I feel like I am becoming a better observer of whats going on within them when I listen to what they have to say. We play a-lot of imagination games over here so its always fun to see how the conversation will end. 

It goes by fast. I am still finding it hard to really understand this year is almost over and yes San Diego in December is 70 degrees. I even went in the water twice last week. It was cold but not freezing cold. Baby Jack is 3 months old..

This was his first time at the beach and first sunset. I will get to tell him how I held him while he watched his first sunset. even though his aunts and cousins and dad held him too..I will just say I did..

I am head over heals...

The Holiday are here

Hi and yes its December. Just when you thought it was a couple months away its here.. Are you thinking my tree looks cheap. Its the tree upstairs and this was half way through the decorating process..It looks better now.. My little man is getting ready to have his first Christmas and I am excited. I also find this month to be super stressful but I am going to meditate and  visualize and just chill. You can only do what you can do. I do love getting present for all the little kids in my life. I also love doing holiday type stuff. Like go to the Hotel Del in Coronado to look at there huge tree. I also love going to Down town and just walk around at night because its cold. I love getting hot chocolate at Starbucks during this month and making cookies and pot roast. I am going to focus on my kids and just loving on them this month. That's going to be my intention for the month of December…To love on my kids..We got all the Christmas lights up on the house and we even got a huge blow up Santa..Yes we are those people.. I love it. I am excited …Things are good. I am grateful I am in our new house. We have furniture in every room. My children are happy and baby Jack is here and he is healthy.. I can't really ask for much more…Happy Holidays and I will right about how I got hurt running on Sunday..Not good but I should be better soon … says me ..

Viva la vida

 H friend , I hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving. I had a very special time surrounded by new family and old. I even got to paint a little last night and I finished my latest girl. I love Freda and I can't pin pint exactly why but I do. I recently went to see a Freda exhibit. Everything was a replica but I do not care . They where real to me. I really love when I want to paint something long enough that the entire process is exciting to me. 

I got to see the replica of where she wrote Viva la Vida. Live life.  So I wanted to paint it on my canvas. I like the cactus because they remind me of Mexico. 

This is my creative space in my house. Its coming along slowly but its perfect for now. I am going to put My Freda for sale. I decided that I would like her to make someone happy. Selling my stuff is scary but I am going to put her on the side bar ..

Life is pretty amazing. We go  through so much and if we stop long enough we might get to see all the colors that make up our journey. 

Sunday Check In

What is going on Sunday check in.

Baby Jack is growing growing.. This last week he learned his hand are connected to him and that he can grab things. So he is working hard to grab everything. He knows when I leave the room and he does not like it. He yells when he is hung but I must say he is the cutest yell ever. It sounds like a little cat. He is now wearing 6 to 9 months clothes and I feel he is growing way to fast.

So guess what….I am almost at my pre baby weight. I have been working hard to get rid of the extra weight because I want to fit into my old clothes and I like my body at 125. I feel way more secure and that weight suits me. I feel strong at 125.  I am back to running and I feel as  good as I did before I got pregnant. I ran Saturday with some old friends and I ran better than I do when its just my dad and I because you push a little bit harder when other people are watching.( I do )  I had a great 12 mile run and  6 miles of it where up hill so I was feeling really good. On my run I was thinking I should do this again tomorrow and if I can run this long this well then I can run a marathon in 8 weeks. right ?? This morning I ran 8 and I felt great .. My feet hurt a little bit but that because its time for new shoes but besides that I feel great so I decided that yes I am running a full in January. I love how excited that makes me. I will be a different person crossing the finish line this time. One of the ways I have changed in the last year is I feel more mature more settled in who I am and my age. I feel like I know what I am doing and I know what I am capable of doing. This girl will not be worried about time when she runs in January but she can run a 4:15 marathon no problem and that's what she will be doing. I am going to just take my time and run . I believe that when you love doing something you need to just do it and not worry about anything else or anyone else. You need to just do what you love. Sometimes this is hard to do but keeping what your passionate about close to you makes you a better person. 

Baby Jack is 3 months old today

Happy 3 months old to my little boy Jack. He is such a blessing in my families life. 

he is an easy baby a funny little man. His little personality is starting to show. He is a whole 13.5 pounds now. 

I love being his mommy..I love changing his diaper and getting up in the middle of the night does not bother me at all. I just keep looking at him my heart just fills with gratitude…
Little baby Jack is 3 months old today...

Saturday Thoughts

Today I was asked this question by my trainer. Gloria how do I get someone who works out twice a week with me and is trying hard to  eat better to start doing cardio ? Cardio is tricky . I know when I started running after having my 4th baby I was very self conscious. I wore black pants and a big shirt and I struggled. My first couple runs were far from runs…They where walk and run a little. I made myself go out and run for about 20 minutes the first time. I felt really sad after my first attempt at running . I felt like I had such a long way to go but I promised myself I was going to keep going. I would not give up on myself. 
 Cardio is key to loosing weight and diet . back to my trainer ..I told my trainer that I believe that you have to love yourself enough to show up for yourself. saying no to sweet bread has been hard but after you do it for a while and see results that kept them out of my mouth. Going for a run is how I love myself its how I show up for me. I have 4 kids and they need me all the time. Therefor I need to be happy and healthy and running does that for me. I love myself enough to run. I told my trainer I know that the first step is always the hardest so maybe going with his client would be good. Then I thought about how my first couple runs after having baby Jack I would of loved to have some one with me. Working out is hard it is but showing up for ourselves should not be. Loving ourselves should not be..

Here I am...

A friend once told me that the girls I paint are me. I did not really think so but in this case yes its me. This girl was inspired by Daniel . Here I am today taking care of my little boy Jack. He is so cute and such a great baby. I love taking care of my kids . I always thought that I was supposed to have something to say when people asked me what I do. I always felt like if I said I am a a mom that would be a let down. I am so over that. Now  when people ask me what do all I want to say is I am the mother of four children. At this point in my life nothing seems as important as showing up for swim practice , making breakfast for my kids before school and even waking up multiple times in the middle to feed Jack is something I am enjoying. I know that time just flies and before I know it my kids will be grown so I am trying to enjoy as much of it as I can. 

Here I am.
I like this paining. I look like I am thinking about  where I am right now. I feel really lucky that I have these little people that need me.. and that I need with all of my heart. I feel like I am showing up in the parts of my life that I really need to be. 

So long October

I am finding it hard to believe that this month is also almost gone.  I am wondering is this what happens when you have a baby.. time just flies by. Its a am finding that its a weird place to be in. Its a little lonely only because I am not working and life as I knew it has changed and in the same regard its exciting because we are now making new future plans that include this little guy. I also want to share how much fun I am having being a mommy to a baby this time around. I am 10 years older than I was last time I had a baby and I feel very comfortable and relaxed about taking care of baby Jack. He is an easy baby. He is a great sleeper and eater and so far the worst thing that has happened is at 6pm almost every day he gets a little cranky and cries. That makes for an easy baby. Its also really cool watching my other kids interact with him. Each one loves him in there own playful but very protective way. We really have not taken him anywhere and that is because he did not have his shots and his dad was just not taking any chances of having his little boy getting sick. Maybe that's another reason I have not blogged I have not been out much lately. Now that he has had his shots so we can go out and start exploring today we went to Target to get his Halloween Costume. ...
Then we walked though the park a little bit and that seem to be enough for him.
The one thing little man does not like is being in his car seat. It breaks my heart to hear him cry when I take the kids to school. I pull over a-lot and go in the back seat and soothe him then I continue on my way. I am hoping to figure out a way to make it so that driving is easier for him. I try not to go anywhere unless I absolutely  have too , but I am hopeful that soon he will grow out of this. There is nothing worse than hearing your baby cry.
................
I want to share whats going on with my weight and training. I am down to 140 pounds .. I am honestly working really hard at this whole losing weight thing. I have a trainer come to the house twice a week and work out with me for an hour and then I am running 3 days a week ..about 20 miles a week. I am still slow but all I really want to do right now is train my body to run again and  start to get good miles in.  Its honestly a little crazy to me that when my mind wanders or I day dream its usually about running. I miss how it makes me feel so much but with 4 kids and all the responsibilities of being there mom my time to run is limited. I am looking forward to the day little man can hold up his head and we can go for runs.. I see a Jogging Stroller in my future. I have spoken to a bunch of people and I think he has to be around 5 months old before I can run with him in the stroller..
I have a couple goals for next year..I am going to run a marathon a 50k a 50 miler and a couple half marathons. The part about this that excites me the most is training . I love love training for races. It gives me something for me to work hard at. It just makes me happy to be able to work hard. Its just like being a mom its hard work to be a good mom but as long as you raise good adults then thats your medal at the end of a race. 

I am two months old

Look who is 2 months old..Its the baby Jack. I have been  loving on this little guy day and night. My kids are all so happy and in love with him too. He is getting a little spoiled but I do not mind. Here we are waiting for his big sister to get out of work. He does not like the car seat and it breaks my heart when he cries :(  I got him all these toys he can look at but he still a little sad back there. He started making little noises and he smiles all the time. I get so excited every time he smiles. Its like the first time every time. I am having a really great time being mom to a baby all over again. Its so cool how its brought us all so close. My older kids all want to help out. Everyone want to hold him all the time. 

With all these people in the house he is becoming a good sleeper. He sleeps through door bell rings and kids laughing and big brother rapping. Music yes lots of music being played but somehow he is learning to sleep through it.. 

Another day in paradise..

I had a great run today that came after not feeling to great. I have been a little blue. Its been interesting trying to find my mojo again. I don't like feeling like I don't want to do the things that make me happy. Its a little funny that I know what I need to do to change it ..I need to do the things I don't feel like doing work through those feelings maybe shut of my brain a little and 20 minutes later I feel good again. Its been a little gloomy around here so maybe that's whats going on.. I did go on a semi long run today and I really didn't want to but I was nudged to go run so I did and I turned my music of for a while and just let my being take it all in. It was awesome .. I went for my longest run since I had my baby..I just loved it. I like how I feel when I run. I feel free..I think maybe birds feel this way when they fly.. I love being outside..The air is alive and the clouds move. I love the feeling of moving quickly and going from point a to point b .. I guess it just felt great. My dad always says that running makes you feel like you took a huge q tip and cleaned all the spider webs out of your head. I am so glad I did something I really did not want to do today..It made my day a better day.

I am loving this song right now..

My Week

I want to report that this week was a combination of lots and nothing. I found myself going out. I left my house..and staying in just holding my baby. I did not have my kids this week unfortunately for them they are with there dad. This means I have lots of time to just hold my new baby and love him. It also leaves me with lots of time to think. I really miss my kids when they are gone. It literally hurts my heart. I know I take way better care of them and its a very sad feeling to have to send your kids to a place you know is not a great place to be. I don't really have a choice.. I got side tracked sorry.
I went on a long run with my dad too. Its was not really long but 5 miles was good and guess what I got my time down to 11 min miles. I am working harder than I have had to but I know in three months it will all be worth it. Its crazy how many running apps there are. My favorite being map my run. Its really neat. I am down to 146 and that keeps me motivated to keep going. My question is what do I do with all this extra skin around my belly ?will it go back ...I went to see John Mayer last night with my daughter Paola. We loved it and I can honestly say we got along all night long..we even held hands for a bit. I am so glad its so good between us right now. She is growing up to be an amazing young lady. I am such a proud mom...Things are good right now and I will take that..

Hello October

Hello October.
The last month seem to just fly by me. I miss blogging so my visits here might be simple but I shall step it up this month.  I started running and holy cow guys it has been hard. I don't mind the challenge but its a little disappointing to take so many steps back. I am seriously slow right now. It is a-lot harder to carry the extra weight around. I get tired quicker but I guess the hardest thing is how slow I am going even though I feel like I am working really hard. I am out of breathe.. and 5 miles feel like 15.  I am signed up for a half marathon in January and my goal is to finish it in 2 hours. I am on 9th day of my 100 squats a day and I am hoping I will feel the difference in the next two weeks.  I am also not having junk food but this thing called losing weight takes  dedication so here I am. I have 4 runs under my belt and I ran 17 miles last week. So the picture above is kinda how I am feeling about running right now. That cant stop me because I will never see results if I give up..I will keep running even if it feels like walking..

I truly believe that creating healthy habits in our life bring positive change..